The question of how to start hotwifing is not as simple to answer as you might think.

Or, rather, there is a simple answer but it’s not a very useful one: “just go out and fuck another man, dear”.

Alas, that’s a recipe for disaster.

Because it’s important to realize not only are men and women generally wired up very differently when to comes to sex, but our reactions after the deed is done can be very different from what we expected and truly believed they’d be.

Let’s take the first thing first: different wiring.

A man’s idea of hotwifing is all about the sex. But the woman’s, once she calms down and actually listens to his idea, thinks about it more in terms of romance and emotion.

So you have to be careful to make sure she understands you are not asking her to get into another relationship with someone else. You don’t really want her having another “boyfriend”.

You want her to have a lover, or a fuckbuddy.

What this means is when you both go looking for the right man, you have to be looking for him with this role in mind. One common piece of advice is to seek a married man, because he won’t want to become “involved”.

Bad idea. In our experience, married men who are willing to become the lovers of hotwives are doing it because they are in miserable marriages. So you’re almost always better off going for a single man.

Fortunately, some time ago God invented the Internet and there have inevitably sprung up more “contact” sites than you can shake a stick at. Obviously you need to take the usual precautions about not meeting some weirdo alone in a cemetery at midnight dressed as Pinocchio, but that’s just common sense.

And you’ll need to take the usual sexual precautions, too. More common sense.

Now, she can only ever do her “first time” once, so it’s important to get it right. When my wife, Joss, did her first time, it was out of the house while I waited at home. It all worked out OK for us, but in retrospect we think it would have been safer for us to all have met in a hotel bar and booked two adjoining rooms.

That way I’d have been able to listen-in on them fucking (and I love to do that — in some ways it’s better than watching), and I’d have been close enough for her to call for help if she needed it.

But the biggest thing is that feeling of butterflies. I have to confess, when she left to meet him that first time I went into a panic. I wanted to phone her to call it all off. I was in a mess… but the moment she walked in the door afterwards, I knew it was going to be OK.

We were lucky — I know other couples aren’t.

So my advice is to inform yourself and get every base covered for this oh-so-important first time of hers.